Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Offending the Fatties

The picture at right was changed to protect the identity of the innocent man with the very large roof over his tools.

This was done so at the behest of one of my friends, who suggested that my implication that I sometimes feel as fat as this guy looks might in some way offend said fat man in suspenders

"I just think it's a risk to put down the next guy cause he might be bigger than you," my friend said. "What if he is depressed cause he is big ... and you are saying 'you feel that way sometimes' like he's the worst ever."

At first it really freaking pissed me off. Why should he worry about it? I couldn't really give a crap about offending anyone on this here blog-thingy.

That's the beauty of the Internet. Each page has a little "X" in the top right-hand corner. You don't like what you are seeing, click that sucker and move your ass on down to some other spot on the information highway.

Besides, if you had seen the original, you'd see that our boy with the big belly appeared quite proud of what I'm sure took years and years of beer guzzling to build.

After I calmed down a bit, I decided he was right, and thus the change.

I've been on the receiving end of many judgemental stares and comments from size-ist little waif store clerks who say they don't have it in "YOUR" size and don't even bother looking (I'm talking about YOU, you little fart knockers at Eddie Bauer).

So I offer a sincere and heartfelt apology to you, Mr. Happy Fat Man in Suspenders. May you live a long life filled with stretchy pants, hangovers and dreams of large women.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

So why am I doing this?

Obvious reason .... I'm fat. And according to my BMI (Body Mass Index), I'm morbidly obese.

I love that term. Morbidly obese. Wikipedia defines someone who is overweight as pre-obese. So they are fat BEFORE they are really fat.

I prefer to think of myself as large and in charge.

But I digress.

I get out of breath when I tie my shoes ... I don't remember what my feet look like ... I give new definition to the term "fat back" ... My fat rolls have fat rolls ...

Feel free to chime in with your favorite fat joke. I'm sure my buddy Marc (name changed to protect his identity) has hit me with most of them.

Real reason ... I have a beautiful wife and two adorable girls. And I want to be alive and well on this earth as long as possible. And I don't need 100 lbs. of extra fat weighing down my cow heart.

So there you go.

Monday, April 27, 2009

And it begins ...

Current weight: 325 lbs.

So I'm now a blogger. And I've decided to have weight loss surgery. And I'm going to document it all.

I figured, if I'm going to put myself through all this, I might as well share it.

Stay tuned. This ought to be a hoot.